Its difficult to love someone when you don't know how to love. I wish I knew how. Ever since my very first relationship, which lasted four years ended about four or five years ago, I find myself always having the following relationships end in a very short period of time. It seems like I'm not capable of loving fully and openly like I once did. Having my heart broken badly on my first relationship probably made me the person I am today. I get very jealous. I think I've become an insecure person. I've become a very selfish and childish.

In my recent relationship, I have hurt her in so many ways. Not a day goes by that we don't have fights. Of course being the self centered and jealous and selfish and insecure person I am, I'd always start the fights with her, even though it wasn't my intention. Is it a "trust" issue? Maybe it is.... Maybe thats part of what kind of a person I am today....

I wish I could turn back time when I knew how to love someone. I wish I could get back that feeling of loving unconditionally. I wish I could love someone with out hurting her. I'm not blaming all this on my first relationship that broke my heart but instead putting the blame on myself for becoming who I am and what I've become. I guess I chose to be like this. I chose to be defensive, jealous, selfish and insecure. I have to change myself before its too late and end up with no one and be lonely for the rest of my life....
I wish I knew how....
I wish I knew how to get myself back on track...
I wish I know how to love again...

For the person who I hurt so deeply, I'm very sorry...

7 comments:

What you wrote is very true. I have experienced that myself. I wish you all the luck! It takes a man to admit what he has done wrong. I hope its not too late you and your girlfriend.

gladz

January 14, 2009 at 8:18 AM  

Breaking up is never easy. Give yourself time to be healed from your first relationship. It's the only way that you'll become whole again to be able to love fully. And when that time will come, don't deprive yourself from loving and being loved back.

January 15, 2009 at 2:49 AM  

Submit your Blog to our Newest PR 3 Web Directory for Bloggers. Visit KeywordDir.info

January 15, 2009 at 5:35 AM  

Hi there... want to change your favicon? find out how.. Have a nice tuesday!

January 19, 2009 at 11:26 PM  

Happy Wednesday! Bloghoppin' here... Hey, I have an interesting tutorial for you that I have written myself. It is about adding Adsense on your Single Post in XML template. I hope you'll like it! God Bless you!

January 21, 2009 at 3:20 AM  

Of course you still know how to love..Just scared maybe, but don't be..mas matakot ka na dumating ang araw na wala nang taong magmamahal sayo kasi tinaboy mo na sila lahat..

treasure the person you have right now..I think she really loves you..I guess everybody you drove away did love you..as I have said before don't be too cautious..take risks my dear.it spices up our lives..

be happy always ok..take care..

February 2, 2009 at 9:14 PM  

hi, is this chikai's friend? parang nag-meet na tau before :) btw, i'm her ate. nwey, it's "man" of you to admit your mistakes. i believe there's so much love in your heart and soon in God's perfect time, you will know how to show it to ms. right. God bless.

February 3, 2009 at 2:36 AM  

Newer Post Older Post Home